I feel a little bad posting about this because I don't want it to be an attack on the author. He seems like a very wonderful person, somebody I would choose to be friends.
The book is called Resurrection Year and here's the book's premise - how to deal with the disappointment of when God says "No". The idea behind the book was that there are many books available that talk about how God answers prayers and can provide miracles. (Yeah, God!) But there aren't as many books about what happens when you pray, and pray, and pray and don't get what your heart desperately desires.
I found this idea extremely intriguing and eagerly read the book. It chronicled the author and his wife's 10 year struggle with infertility. This couple's heart's desire was to become parents. My heart broke for them throughout the book when I read about their struggles.
After several infertility treatments, the couple decided to adopt, while they mourned the loss of the child they weren't going to conceive.
Now I am a big advocate of adoption, and would encourage people to look into it, but my heart still aches for the people who come to adoption after the loss of the dream of a biological child. And I would never offhandedly say that a couple could "Just adopt" like it is no big deal in the face of infertility.
This couple (from Australia) decides to wait for an infant in the country's domestic program. Unfortunately, after two or three years they were never selected by a birth mother. They proceed with more medical attempts to overcome infertility and eventually decide that God has plans other than parenthood for them. And although they continue to be disappointed with it, they are trying to look on the bright side of what this means for opportunities in their lives. They figure out how to move on after their dreams are shattered.
The author goes on about how they are trying to accept God's plan for their lives. How they still struggle with the ramifications of life without children. How the yearning for parenthood didn't leave, but they have basically resigned themselves to life without children, and looked for fresh start in life.
If this was the whole story, I'd think "Okay. I can see you trying to find out how God wants to use your life. What a sad, but brave story to share."
But here's the part that I struggled with. God didn't say there wasn't a way for them to be parents. In one sentence, they summarily dismissed the idea of international adoption. In one sentence, they said that many children have special needs or have trouble attaching. So they ruled out the possibility of international adoption.
I realize not everyone qualifies for international adoption. Not everyone can afford it. But that was not the case with this couple. They dismissed the idea of a child from another country because of the chance there could be additional challenges. God did not say "No." They just didn't want to deal with the unknown.
What they failed to see was this child that their hearts have been longing for could be waiting for them right now! Perhaps God said "No" to a biological child or a healthy domestic infant because He wanted to bless them with a child like this:
Or one of dozens of loved and loving internationally adopted children I have met.
No, I am not saying that everyone must have children, nor am I saying that everyone must adopt children internationally or with special needs. But to dismiss the idea of loving a beautiful child, fearfully and wonderfully made by God because there might be extra challenges and then say that God didn't answer your prayer to be parents really upsets me. This does a disservice to the thousands of children currently available for adoption around the world, waiting desperately for a mom, a dad to choose to love them.
Perhaps God was hoping to bless both a child yearning for parents and parents yearning for a child.
There are currently over 2,000 children with papers ready and cleared for international adoption in China alone. Dozens upon dozens more are made available every month. Wonderful, amazing children just hoping somebody will see their picture and choose to love them. Really, is not a single one of these children up to some artificial standard? And lets face it, there's no guarantee of "perfection" with biological children either.
And that's just China. There are thousands upon thousands of children waiting for parents in other countries, too.
So to the author of this book, my sincere sympathies go out to you in your struggles to start a family. Not having known the struggles of infertility, I can only imagine the pain it caused you. The death of the dreams you built must be excruciatingly painful. And if you are content with the path you are on now, I am extraordinarily happy for you. You deserve joy.
But if you are still yearning for parenthood, I am not convinced God has denied you that joy.
Maybe God didn't say "No" to you. Maybe you said "No" to God.