Sunday, July 3, 2011

I'm Ready To Go

I am ready to go home now. Even typing those words feels incredibly ungrateful. Here I have been given this terrific chance to spend a significant time in my daughter's birth country. I can soak up culture, eat food and experience so much to share with her as she gets older. I am in a place now that so many other adoptive parents are waiting with extreme anticipation to be. But, I am ready to go home.

Other than a few glitches early in the trip, everything has been going so well. I love to travel. So why do I want to leave this "working vacation"? I'll give you four reasons - Bridget, Riley, Connor and Sawyer.

I knew leaving them for such a long time would be difficult. Prior to this, the longest I had left any of my children was for five days. We are on Day #10. And I was right. It is tough.

Some families take all their kids on adoption trips and it works out great. But the shear quantity of my kids, their ages, their activity levels, the heat, and the great fear of diarrhea times five kids, made Ben and I decide to leave them at home. We thought it was also good to have some time just to bond with Veronica, similar to the time I had with the children in the hospital when they were born.

And, lets face it. The extra approximately $10K for air fair and few thousand for extra necessary hotel fees sealed the deal.

But, that doesn't make it easy.

I miss hearing Sawyer emphatically deny that he is not , in fact, Sawyer and instead insist that he is "Batman". I miss Connor reaching his arms up at bed time asking for a "big mommy hug". I miss Riley telling his jokes and explaining the punchline in great detail. I miss seeing what creative craft Bridget will come up with next.

The days that are busy with adoption related appointments and activities aren't as tough. I feel like we are making progress towards a goal. But today and tomorrow are days dedicated to waiting for paperwork to be completed by the government. I'm not so great at waiting.

I haven't yet met an adoptive parent who has admitted that the trip was just a little long and that they were more than ready to go home. I hear about how great a time everyone has in country. I feel slightly like an adoptive parent loser by admitting to watching the clock instead of wholeheartedly seizing every available opportunity. Of course there are still wonderful moments, but I feel like I could have more wonderful moments at home right now.

I know this is part of the process. Just like pregnancy and childbirth, you can't just skip over the parts of it that you are tired of. But, I am ready for the adopting process to be done. Just like I was always more than ready for the pregnancy, childbirth and recovery to be done.

Let me tell you what I am ready for instead.

I am ready for the family part. I am ready for the part where my whole family is on the same continent. Half the fun when you have more than one child is watching how they interact with each other. I want to see how Veronica mixes in with the bunch and how the family dynamics will change.

I am ready to get back to "regular" life instead of hotels, eating out and big cities. I want to be the one telling people what my kids are up to instead of people telling me about the cute things they did and said. And trust me, my kids are cute. I'll be sure to tell you all about them when I get home.


Football and Fried Rice said...

I know exactly what you are saying. 10 days is enough. 14 is extra enough. Any more than that?? Yowza! We, like you, opted (& will again) to leave our other kids at home and we already know it will be tough. I cant wait to see your whole family united together!

Football and Fried Rice said...

What are you doing commenting from China!?!?! You crack me up! I cant wait to hear about all five of your babies VERY SOON! Just think how awesome Christmas is going to be this year!

Bekah said...

Remember the talks in Bible study about not comparing yourself to others? I'm sure you aren't the only adoptive mom who's felt this way. *hugs* Hang in there, you'll be home soon.